Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
