Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
