SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
