Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize