Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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