this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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