im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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