i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
