I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
