So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
