i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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