I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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