i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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