I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
