We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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