I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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