No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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