Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
