Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
