My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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