she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
