Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
