so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
