You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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