I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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