Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
