I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
