I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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