C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
