Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
