Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
