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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?