good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.