HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.