I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they're staring at me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin