It's Friday. Sex?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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