It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
