why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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