I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
