i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we're making bets on your personal life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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