Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
