i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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