Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
