I want to stick my p in your. b.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
