we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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