I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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