Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
