no, he came in my armpit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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