saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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