yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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