Soap is not a condiment
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
