Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
