You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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