i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
