It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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