A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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