a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
