Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
