I cannot find my penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
