im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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