Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
