we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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