Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
