at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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